I need a vacation

So am having a very bad morning,I just left my lecturer’s office and got threatened with a carry over,am crying all because she thinks am not a serious student,I got the wrong time and got into the class 45 minutes into the lecture.

They think am crying all because of what she said,but am crying because I’ve given too much into this to have it all thrown away with words of mouth.

 So far,I love my lecturer,she’s a very good woman who has a good relationship with her students,she’s very good at critising,she makes her students work their butts off to the point of cursing but then i was told it’ll help me in the end.Am just not starting on a good note with her, I hope to fix it soon.

 Just had a row with a friend, so I decided to stay on my own,till am okay.I wouldn’t want to talk out of anger, it’ll ruin things so I’ll stay put till am okay.The Bible advises not to stay angry till sundown.

  I ought to register my health care thing, but am too destabilized,having a preview from 2-3pm and audition starts by 3pm. I auditioned for 3 play projects yesterday and I got it *yayy* Dance auditions starts tomorrow.I’ll feed with everything that happens next.

 So i am still going to sit on the staircase leading to another department, my eyes are red,have not had my bath cause I rushed down to pit theatre,Am still angry and I’m still in love with myself.

               Love

                 Abisola Tiny

  

2017

So I intentionally decided to stay off my blog for few days.

 Before I forget Happy new year!! May this year bring peac,joy,love,life and all good things of life.And please what’s up with all the “2k17”?

Am back in school, now I miss home.Alot of things has happening, have been trying to decipher but it just keeps twisting my head and now, I’ll just leave fate to do it’s thing.

 I just hope am not making one of the biggest mistakes of my life,but I just have to try, taking risks.

 Let’s see what this year will bring.

                           With love

               Olayinka Ibukunoluwa Abisola

HE DOES NOT KNOW

He does not know I like his moustache and how it’s not too bushy,I love his eyes, how they are big and small at the sa

me time and they become thin when he smiles or laugh.When he smiles,when he smiles I secretly fall in love with him.I love the way his teeth shows and how his face wrinkles at the side of his eyes when he is laughing,But I can’t remember how he sounds. I can’t remember his voice.

   I love the way he walks,how he commands respect and his arms and the muscles,and I love him wearing tantops.His Hair,because of the way it felt when I touched it.His lips,Goodness!! But I can’t remember how it tastes.

 But he showed me and later I would wonder and ponder on how many girls has seen that too.I read about it,but I still don’t know.I can’t remember what I said when he told me that,later I would sit and try to remember ,but I won’t. But I promised him.

  I can’t remember my words but now I want to remember, Am playing the scenario in my head,but I can only remember going back to him, our legs entangled in each other,how so many questions ran through my mind,Questions I haven’t found answers to. But I can remember his smile and how he tried to dance,so I grew to love the song because of him and later,I danced to it in my room.

 

But I don’t know what to feel,I want him and I don’t, I felt dirty and cheap when he made that sentence ,he couldn’t see the tears gathering and me blinking to fight it back.so I wrapped in him,warm,I moved closer,maybe it would burn the guilt and dissolve my iced heart.

 Photo credit:::Instagram

BALDIE

  1. “My hair doesn’t define me”

 Yesterday,I was having serious cramps,I was sweating profusely, my kinky hair was not helping matters, before now,I was getting bored of my hair,I made a wool hair and the pain I went through ehn,I wanted to take a scissors and cut the wool with my hair instantly but the hair is expensive ,I can not come and waste money .

  1. So hormones set in and with anger,I took a small black scissors, I didn’t even care about starting and cutting neatly,I kept cutting from the scalp,then I remembered the drink lying on the table, I drank it like I was in a drinking competition.I kept cutting and I was loving it.it was fun,I laughed and kept cutting till my kinky lied on the floor,dead.

 I looked at it and was amazed,see what has been following me around.in less than 2hours after I posted my new look,I received both negative and positive comments,some people even said I now look ugly*who needs hair with a face like this though”.

 I love the fact that I can run my hands over my head,I can look in the mirror and love what am seeing ,I can have my bath with the water running down from my head,I feel beautiful and free.

 Feel free to share,comment and like.

Am officially back

6 months without technology

“Your husband better not get you a ring, unremovable necklace will do” 

That’s how people think i can be that careless or how i think i can be.

 Since i don’t have a phone or a laptop,I decided to keep records of everything in my memory and pour it all out when I get a phone, I knew in my heart that I won’t even try thinking back so ‘Dominic’ encouraged me and told me to go back to my pen and paper and i promised myself not to be careless with this book.

 The fact that I write and in few days my creative works end up in the bin or ‘Lord-knows-where’ can be very heartbreaking,and the idea of racking my brains to recover all what I wrote line by line will just give me headaches.

So if you’re reading this,it means I have a phone now and am back and i missed y’all.

   

TRUST ME, I WANT YOU TOO

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OK! This is about me, I’ll just write this down just the way I feel. I’m getting pretty worried about my relationship with people around me.
  Am an extrovert, I make friends Alot and I make them real fast, but then I realized something, I get super attached, we could talk all day and be best of friends, this could go on for months, years and all of a sudden, we’d stop talking like before, we’ll just drift from “what we used to be”. Our conversations will be super awkward, we’ll talk like once in two weeks.
  After I noticed this, I decided to just stop getting really attached to anyone, stop letting people in much.
  Now, I have some friends I talk to everyday, and I told them one after the other, “Don’t find it weird if we wake up tomorrow and we drift”, yes, they all thought I was joking or it can never happen . it’s happening.
  I feel so bad because, I really want to talk to these people, we never fought,no issues but we just drift, I just lose the connection we had, and I just ask myself “what happened?” . I don’t know if it’s okay or its weird. Am just confused. Now I love it when I stop at hello, don’t go further.. It’s heartbreaking

Zizzy❤

BLADES. 2

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I got home and came down from my car, Emeka, our security, ran towards me and greeted with a shaky voice filled with worries, I understood why he sounded like that. He is home, before me, I forgot to mention that am a full housewife. I opened the door with fidgeting hands, our sitting room reminds me of the houses I see in the soap opera Nta shows every Thursday, very modern and spacious, and right there on his favorite leather couch,sat Kolade Williams, the man I love.
   Kolade Williams, tall, rich and handsome the only guy the girls wanted, Kolade was so sweet and charming, he begged Muinat to help talk to me, and trust Muinat, she threatened to break our friendship if I accept his proposal, 3 years after, I walked to the altar with the man of my dreams.
  “where have you been?”
“Good evening”
“what is good about the evening? I said where have you been!! ?”
“I went to the market to get some foodstuffs
” Why didn’t you send Amina?I have not eaten”
My legs had started shaking since I was on heels and I’ve been standing for sometime, but I knew I had to answer his questions, I couldn’t see his face . his face was in his palm.
“I have some customers there, I told Amina to prepare porridge before you get back, I’m sorry, I’ll go to the kitchen right away”
  Seeing that as a chance to escape, I eagerly carried the basket and tried moving towards the kitchen, I could feel my….
   “If you move an inch, I’ll make sure you go 6ft down!! ”
I froze, I felt my heart stop and a cold shiver run through my spine. He rose and before I could blink, he was walking towards me, I wanted to run, I should run but my legs failed me,I kept mouthing what I couldn’t decipher, He is still moving towards me, I can see his hand coming towards my face, I think I fell to the ground, and something that felt like iron or a whip or maybe his belt kept making a swoosh swoosh sound, My cheeks are really hot, my eyes are on fire, my tears burned my cheeks more, but I couldn’t shout, I didn’t feel any pain but I knew I was bleeding.
“mummy! Madam! Yawo Allah!”
The accent, the little sobs that am used to, it’s Amina, my maid. Am trying to open my eyes but Amina now has a clone, I shut them again, a tear fell.
The tiles was cold and it soothed my skin, Now I wish I had followed the footsteps of Muinat, I wish I had made my mother cry and roll on the floor when I tell her I’ll never get married, I wish I had tore the white gown and burned the bouquet,Now, I wish I cry for Tundun, who will never get the love of a mother again, now I cry in silence, I should have spoken up, I should have said something . I’ve been silenced by the one I love. The father of my child.
   But I made pain look good as I ease into silence.
*       *      *       *        *     *
  Dear woman, Run.
  Kindly like, comment and share.

Zizzy❤

Blades

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This is a story I wrote out of concern. I hope it reaches someone that needs it.
*    *     *    *    *   *   *   *    *   *  *   *   *  *
  “Challenge! Mokola! I no get change o! Ehn ehn before we change it for each other
   The conductor removed his shirt, wiped it over his sweaty face, and hung it round his neck, Bukky looked at his pimples filled face and thought to herself
“and someone will still kiss this face o
She looked out of the rickety bus, which had a glittery sticker beside the window that read ‘paso oga nla’. There was something about Ibadan public transport that she doesn’t fancy, she shifted again, the women with the woven basket seem not to notice her discomfort as they kept talking.
“hmm ori mii, pikin still small, still very small o!”
   “the man just finish her just like that, and they warn her everyday, leave him, take your children, and be happy, she say no, and see her, die”
  “and if you ask her, she say am fine,she no go talk, before you say peem, the man have remarry and just leave the children”
  The women sighed and changed the topic to something Bukky had no interest in.
*    *    *   *     *    *    *   *   *   *   *  *   *    *
I walked into Muinat’s boutique, and gently smiled back at Gloria, her sales girl.
  “Gloria, how now? How market?”
  “we thank Jehovah ma”
“your oga dey in?”
Gloria nodded. And I made my way into the inner chamber of her boutique, Muinat was on the phone, like every other day, screaming into the phone, she  was so engrossed in her discussion and didn’t even bother to look at me, I dropped my Versace bag on her table and sat down.
  Muinat is my best friend, right from our days in the University, she’s the most social of our clique and yea, you can call her the iron lady, I stared at her picture frame, A woman in her late 30s, on her low Jerry curl and who seem to have no worries, A single mother of two who has refused to get married…
“Bukky for show! Ma binu jare, it’s the man who ought to deliver my goods o, the store is literally empty and he’s here telling me nonsense, how far? Should I call Gloria to get something for you? “
  I laughed and joked about how am very used to her attitude.
” am OK o, I went to the market, and decided to drop by, hope you’re hearing from Dunsin and his sister? You should let them come home for the holidays now”
  “what did you get for me? Yes, I called last night, they’ll definitely come, I will help them book the tickets, Han Han! remove your sunshade and hat now, are you in the sun?”
  I hesitated and finally removed them, I tried looking elsewhere so she won’t notice my purple eyes and little scars. I could see her staring at me with her mouth agape, with my side eyes..
“Bukky, he did it again abi?”
I stood up and fondled with the fur on the hanger, trying to avoid her question.
“Bukky, if you don’t know, your silence speaks louder than your words
I sat and dropped the fruits I got for her.“I will go and pick Tundun tomorrow, they are vacating tomorrow”
I kept tapping the table and she kept looking at me… (to be cont’d)

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Zizzy❤

Patching it all up

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Welcome to my favorite month loves.
   So uhm it’s my birthday month and am making a lot of changes, and yea,I’ll be 17 and I’ll blah blah blah😒.
I’m making peace with everyone I had an issue or two with, I reconciled with two old friends and still on the way to patch things up with the others. I got really hurt with what these beautiful people did to me but then I just thought like, seriously, Life is too beautiful to keep holding on to your pain, am going to come out straight, I know it can never be like the past, our conversations will never be the same. If I try to patch things up and they still take that for granted, I’ll just understand that it’s part of what makes us human. Am not going to wait for the ‘am sorry’, whatever happens, I know I’ll be able to sleep, knowing that I’ve cleared things. What if something happens tomorrow and I don’t get to amend things with beautiful soul? I will live with the guilt.
“imagine the person you’re ignoring for a while doesn’t wake up tomorrow, would you regret your pride?”
To everyone that pierced my soul and made my heart bleed, I forgive you.
To anyone that I’ve ever hurt in any way, do forgive me. I love you.

Zizzy❤

GREAT IFE!

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“I sha pray we won’t have to go home o, I can’t imagine, when did we get here? , I will now go back home again? God forbid!”
  One minute I was sitting with the orchestra, the next minute, we were saying our goodbyes.
  Just like that, we were on our way home, Chai! Oau is just weird.
  So let me feed you with the things that has been happening. first thing first.
  Am in love with pit theater
I know I came here to whine about the rehearsals and the time schedule with the evil faces of the coordinators. I was super wrong, okay, they looked scary but then as time went by, I fell in love with all of them. They are really nice, compared to the creepy stories we heard bout them, I’ll dedicate a post to them(that’ll be after the initiation). These guys left their comfort zones just to instruct a bunch of kids they don’t know and the love and the morale we get from them, Arghh bless their souls🙌
But then, we mess up Alot, we forget our lines, we forget our steps, we forget the sequence, with all the annoying things we do, they still encourage us, I just really hope we make them proud.
Presently, am back in Ibadan:'(back to face the realities of life, Back to my 12 of sleep, back to laziness, back to everlasting boredom and I miss rehearsals😥:(

Zizzy❤